EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT *

Three days to assemble what always seems to contain a whole lot of  fragmented thoughts and nerves of doubt and confusion. This always happens at crunch time, some kind of weird stage-fright.  Rewriting, reworking, rethinking. How, what, when, where, and why.  Only a few more weeks after this to pull it all together. And at this point, I must say it all feels very daunting and quietly exciting. I love making this work. It consumes many hours of many days, and I still don't wake up and see the point where I want it to stop, only things I wish to develop and explore. 

 Harold, a Skull and a Rummaging Roo...

 So, about a week or two ago we went up the country to Taradale to do a weekend of shooting. If it's cold in Melbourne, it's freezing up there.  We went to see a couple of friends who live in the midst of the old gold-mining country. Across the road from their house are some woods with old mining holes, old mining gear, and enough trees and branches to confuse anyone wandering around in the pitch black of night.  We've been to Taradale in the summer, but never ventured into the snake pits I believe those woods to be at that time. So in cover of the cold, five layers of clothing and adventurous spirits we spent two nights outside discovering a world that lives right behind the darkness.

 The first night was by far the most successful. We managed to get two shots that I'm happy with, and that presents a new and slightly different mood to some of the others. Lately I have noticed that the shots are becoming darker, but not without a sense of humor.

(Rummaging Roo (working title), work in progress, © Dida 2008)

The first one, which has the working title of Rummaging Roo (as of now all the images in the series are untitled and will most likely stay that way), almost came to by itself. We came across a site in a patch of trees with a fallen tent (barely visible behind the roo), old bottles, cans and shoes left by miners way back when combined with some more recent stuff. I was told later that a girl who used to live in my friends house had gathered it all from the woods, and that it was her secret place we had found, left long ago to the mercy of the harsh bush weather. I tried not to change the site too much, but had to spread some of the stuff around that the girl had placed in and around an old milk crate just to create a little more sense of chaos. I completely fell in love with the authenticity of these old things left there and could almost sense both the miners and the girl wandering the woods with us.

 The shot was done fairly quickly. I say fairly because none of my shot can be labelled quick, but this one almost came by itself. I decided to go with the roo for a few reasons. One, we were right in roo country, and I've grown tired of the bunnies for now. Having shot it once or twice with the mask on, I decided to move it so that the face underneath became partly visible. The mask then looks directly at us whereas the man is focused on the stuff in the crate. A lot of my work contains things pointing to things out of order. Hints that can guide or confuse, a cross-section of the 'here 'and the 'there', pointing to the journey back and forth from the interior to the exterior, the borderland of reality and fantasy.

The shot, as of now, is made up of two main exposures. One is processed two different ways and then combined with a second exposure to make the final image. I wasn't all that happy with the trees in the shots I did with the roo, and ended up replacing it with one I did of just the site. Because the light is so erratic it's fairly easy to combine several exposures and almost impossible to say where one ends and the other beings.

The man in the background came spontaneously. I didn't really think he would work, but as I work on it, he's making more and more sense. He's disruptive and confusing, slightly intimidating almost. His blue is a welcome spurt of colour within all the brown, yellow and green. This shot still has a lot of work to be done, but looks promising.

(Still-life of Bird & Skull (working title), work in progress, © Dida 2008)

This shot of a bird and a skull came almost out of nowhere.  A friend had kindly lent me Harold, the taxidermy bird, which I was very excited about. I hadn't planned much not having seen the woods before other  than deciding on props to bring, so I decided to set one up just to see how good, old Harold would look in a photograph. And Harold, never the one to disappoint, did extremely well pecking away at a skull we have seen before (in the shot of the bunnies in the grass). 

I found a tree, or part of one at least,  and hung the mask so that it  would face Harold and placed him leaning into its mouth. The branch behind the mask looks like it could be holding it which I like to think might be someone just outside the image. There is something slightly disturbing about this shot I can't quite put my finger on.  It's all shot in one exposure, which is then processed differently for some segments of the image. This one also has lots of work left on it, but is definitely a keeper. As a still-life it stands out from the others, adding something else to the mix. I'm thinking Harold will re-appear down the track, or should I say Rabbit Hole... 

I'm a bit apprehensive in 'explaining'  the shots yet. Sometimes they speak of one thing, sometimes of others as I work on them. I am becoming more and more content with the balance of light and dark in the overall series, not only just through the use of light painting, but also through the variation of mood in the individual images.

With 9 images as of now, I have a lot of figuring out to do on the overall sequencing. Do I let it go 'the classical' way with an overall narrative, or do I put it together in a way that will throw people off and leave them a bit uncomfortable? And if so, how do I then do that? I am leaning more and more to the latter way (not surprisingly perhaps) thinking I might not want you to feel all that comfortable. Familiar in some ways perhaps, but not quite at ease. 

Still, with much to do and little time, moving forward. 

*Title of artwork by Martin Creed

Falling inwards

 The year is nearing its end and the two final reviews are lurking near the door. First review of this semester went beyond expectations and helped me figure out some of what my work represents and the how's and why's I do it.  I found myself to be an analyst in denial...

The semester so far, in regards to creating new work, has proven easier said than done. Many shoots cancelled and poor organization skills on my own behalf have put pressure on the final remaining weeks. Some images have had to be re-shot, some never made it out of the sketchbook and some simply don't work in context with the others.

              (7 Apples 2 Legs, New edit, ©Dida 2008)

 As of now there are many pieces on the table that need to be put together or put aside. I am currently doing the post on a few images and did some test prints this week, which will hopefully help 'paint the bigger picture'. In the works is still the image of the apples. I did a reshoot, but missed a bit on the angle, and ended up with a shot that said something completely different than the initial one. So, I went back and did the post again, this time adding another part of one exposure to a part of the original image and adding a new element, the barely visible key. 

A few other newbies are also in the post works.

   (Portrait w/ skull, work in progress, ©Dida 2008)

This portrait of a woman with feathers and a skull came out of an idea for another shot I didn't get to do during one shoot. I shot the image several times with different amounts of light, exposures and angles of lighting, and though this shot is a lot softer and out of focus than the others it still has something about it I like. As of now it sits in between the two skulls and brick images from last semester. As a triptych kind of thing they seem to be working together.

I have started thinking about sequencing a whole lot more now that I have about 9 images finished or still in progress. I don't know if they will all make the final cut, but it has been good to try and work out the order and the overall narrative look to some extent.

There are still many more images I would like to do, but I am feeling the pressure of there being less and less time left. I spent a fair few hours yesterday being more or less frustrated soft proofing and test printing four images, some more successful than others. To judge the outcome of what will happen when the inks hit the paper is hard. Everything is harder when paper competes with a light box (the deceiving computer screen) in terms of luminosity. But the outcome is so much more rewarding when you get it right.  My test prints aren't there yet, but with a little fine tuning and polishing here and there, I think they will be.

As usual I find the statement a nightmare to write even having written it a few times now. I am still not completely comfortable with the reading of it and can't quite decide on the level for personal angle. I've done some new research but having done this project over some time now it has come to a natural crawl. I came across Image and Imagination (2005) edited by Martha Langford thinking it would be a gem of a read, but ended up skimming most of it without finding all that much of interest. If not much else, the introduction helped fuel some thoughts and confuse others, as per usual.

I've also had a look at At the edge of the Light, Thoughts on Photography, & Photographers, on Talent and Genius (2003) by David Travis and found the chapter ' The Plot Thickens Everything, Photography and the need for narrative' (p.80-96) interesting.

 What narrative does better than any other medium of expression is to directly address the question of what we think we know – not about being particles of the matter-of-fact world or elements of a logical puzzle, but rather about being human. (p.95) 

This one still has me thinking...

Another Semester, Another Review- 150 word statement

First review is tomorrow, and I should most likely be in bed sleeping than staring at the same screen I've been staring at for the past 14 hours. 

Anyway... For this one we have to present a 150 word statement that support the conceptual basis of the work and a visual interrogation of  two images (given verbally). 

Here is my crack at a 150 word statement to my somewhat creative chaos. (Not counting title, a work in progress or signature. I claim those for free.)

'DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE'

With ‘Down The Rabbit Hole’ I explore the imaginary and artifice in photography. I am interested in how we use fantasy to comprehend experience and emotions: the lost dreams we cling to, our hopes, fears and desires.

While the imaginary and subconscious offers us an escape from ‘the Real’, it also presents another understanding of it. Fantasy knows no boundaries, it offers a space to render experience in another manner than within the restrictions of realism, and can fulfil any secret desire, or horrific nightmare. These photographs are eerie introspective dreamscapes, drawing inspiration from fairytales and cinema, presented as staged tableaux.

I am also interested in using digital photography as a portal to my imagination, to a place where everything is as real as I want it to be. As a result my images become constructed tales that can only continue to exist through photographs.

A work in progress

Dida, August 2008

A visual Interrogation Part 1 - the Bunnies...

So... I'm quite new to expressing my images in such detail so bare with me in the exploration.  

This is a staged, exterior night shot of two half naked bunny-men lying in the grass. It is shot at night due to lighting techniques and the association I have with night as a time for fairy tales, escapism, dreams and fantasy. It is a time when we reflect upon the day and my senses are change. My perception of the world is quite different at night and I am more open to the endless possibilities that exist, and therefore open my mind to fantasy easier than within the boundaries and restrictions of daylight and ‘the real world’. 

 My images are shot outside to give them more visual (and imaginary) space. Reality, here in the form of grass and parkland, create a backdrop of realism to what is a fabricated scene of fantasy. This enhances the artificial/ fictional aspect of the main subject, the bunnies. I think of this image as the first scene of a play or a film. The spotlight illuminates the scene and our characters emerge from the darkness.

The image is surrounded and held by a thick, black frame. This represents the darkness of the mind in a way. You close your eyes and out of that initial darkness images appear. It represents a possible beginning, middle or end. When the whole series is put together the black framing will also help maintain a visual flow between the different images. The images themselves are so dark that I feel they need ‘protection’ against the hard brutality of a white wall. Black evokes a sense of potential and possibility; it is the color of mystery and the unknown/ unseen.

The light is painted on with warm toned torches. This way of lighting is similar in look to that of theatre, cinema, and somewhat painting. It challenges the time within the photograph (as it is obviously not a moment but rather a patch of time) and enhances the ‘unreal’ as the light comes from multiple angels in spots across the image. It looks very different to that of a ‘normal’ night scene. The duality light - dark represents where the conscious meets the unconscious, where fantasy meets reality. Out of darkness and the unknown, comes creation and life. Fantasy is after all also a form of recreation.

The bunny characters are two half-naked men wearing bunny ears and skeleton masks sitting in the grass. Their skin is almost glowing and the spotlight appears to lift them from the grass. Their pose is one of curiosity and perhaps surprise, as if caught off guard. These characters represent lust and desire as well as referencing a mix of the classical rabbit in ‘Alice’ and the evil bunny, Frank, in ‘Donnie Darko’. They extend an invitation to follow. Will you follow the rabbit into the dark?

Their skeleton masks points to a more sinister layer within the image, our vulnerability to the unknown and the fragility of emotions. The masks keep the bunnies (men) suspended between fact and fiction, in the borderland of imagination and reality. Their number, 2, further reflects a duality, plus-minus; feminine-masculine; it symbolically represents imagination, dreams, exchanges, communication and balance.

Behind the bunnies are a bunch of illuminated sticks. These represent the rabbit hole. It also helps aid the composition and the sticks add ‘drama’ to the image. In front of the sticks are the shadows of my legs. I left this in the image because I like how it refers back to the creation of the image and again the patch of time it takes to capture and create it. This is an illusion, and the legs are a reminder of that. What you see has been carefully created; it is an artifice, someone’s vision aka my vision. The legs become ‘the third’ of the image. The number 3 deals with magic and expression. It also represents time in past, present and future.

The colors of the image are vivid. The green grass, the sexual pink ears and skin tones. Green represents both the natural, and fresh as well as envy. The pink is sexually charged (hence the naked skin), and adds a feminie aspect to the masculinity of the male bodies.

The duality light – dark points to the borderland reality – fantasy. It blurs the edges and allows us to dream. The construction of the image does not hold restrictions of reality, but allows a meeting on my own terms. I have a feeling of choice. I can choose to indulge or not. I can dream, I’m allowed to imagine unrealistic things of magic and places of no boundaries.

In post-production this image is enhanced digitally by layering different elements. Post-production allows me to complete my vision and create this ‘looking glass’ to my imagination. Digital photography and manipulation allows flexibility in the relation to photography’s representation of the real and the unreal.

7 apples and 2 legs... a visual interrogation Part 2...

So... here is the initial interrogation of this image. I'm re-shooting it saturday (hopefully) and I'm sure some things will change underway, but as I said... Initial Interrogation.

7 Apples, 2 legs

This image is an initial sketch for what I imagine will be the second image of the series (along with a third image to juxtapose the second, more on that later).  This is another staged exterior of 7 apples on the ground and a pair of legs. The legs are used instead of a body (as I was shooting myself it was the only part I could get to and still keep the stillness of the image). This image refers back to stories such as ‘Snowhite’ and ‘the Original Sin of Eve’, but also to desire, fertility and creation.

The legs represent innocence, femininity and bodily desire. They are what allows us to step in or out something. The crude sock marks reminds us of the act of undressing, of scarring and of reality. The legs are metaphorically those of Snowhite or Eve, not having eaten the apple yet, but not as picture-perfect, pointing back to the reality of beauty and reality in itself.  The implied movement hints towards a yet-to-be-seen action. Stepping forward and picking up the apple, perhaps taking a bite. 

The red of the apples represents passion and possibility. They are carriers of seeds with the potential for new growth. There are 7 apples in the image. The number 7 is a magical number, especially in fairytales. There were 7 dwarfs; there are 7 colors in the rainbow, 7 chacras, 7 seas, and 7 deadly sins... The number 7 is meant to be an activator of imagination.

The background for the image is soil and the base of a tree with a snake-like branch in the back and under one of the feet. (I will enhance this in the re-shoot.)  The earth represents the beginning and the end. It is fertile and has the potential for growth. The branch in the background is a meant to be read as the snake, a disturbance or threat if you will.

In post-production I have layered several exposures to compile the final image. I have selected areas of the other exposures where the light was to my liking and digitally sewn it together.

In re-shooting this image I would like to try adding a partially see-trough body over the apples instead of the legs. I would also like to superimpose a lock on one of the apples. The apple then presenting itself as another gateway to the imaginary. This, when juxtaposed with the image of a key, will present new readings and dualities. The body (or legs if I decide to keep them) will become not only a reference to ‘Snowhite’ and ‘Eve’, but will link it back to ‘Alice’, the rabbits, and the entering of another world. The femininity of this image will juxtapose the masculinity of the key.  

Ham Wrapped Christmas Turkey...

So... Saturday brought the first attempt to do another shoot since 'the big break'. I wish I could say it was all the love and glory it usually is.

I had decided to do things inside since it was really cold and I was wrapping a friend in ham and wanted him to be as comfortable as possible. (Comfort not really being applicable when you're covered in meat in a homemade heap of trash.) I covered the floor in my workspace to make it look like rubbish and then placed my friend in it, wrapped him in ham, spaghetti and some other (probably not so pleasant) things. The idea for the shoot was seemingly simple. Finding the right angle to do it and not reveal the room around us was not.

So far I've only glanced at the images a few times, but enough to say that it didn't work the way I intended it to. The idea is there, and I believe it is a good one, but things don't always work out first time around.

The light works very different inside opposed to outside. It bounces off the walls and shorten exposure times considerably. (Sounds good, but not when you do what I do.) Also the quality and temperature of the light look and feel very different. So, technically speaking interior shoots are probably not worth spending too much time on again unless necessary.

Another few things became clear to me after we finished. We did a very short session, the shortest ever I think, and in that time I understood just how important my own wellbeing and comfort is to the success of the shoot. All of us were tired and not giving it half the energy we usually do, but there were also clear distractions that took the focus away from what was happening. All in all I think it held a few very important lessons for me in particular in regards to how I work best and what circumstances to avoid in the future.

It's just not as simple as pointing the camera and the light at someone wearing a costume and think it will take you somewhere magical. We have to create this magic. We have to believe in it, to want it. I have to inspire my models to make them want to take me there, perhaps even without knowing what it is they're doing, and they have to inspire my vision of the place we go to. They externalise the experience and help me render that world tangible through their presence in the photograph. If we are not ok ourselves, we will not get there.

All in all I would say it was a lesson well learned. However, it does put me in a bit of tight spot for first round of assessments. It is not that the images do not work at all, because a couple of them do in some ways, but it is how far they are from where I wanted them to be that concerns me the most. It is hard to get back on the horse. I want to, and I'm still very excited about this project, but I continue to find obstacles placed around me that I have no or little control over that must be overcome.

Next time we'll nail it. I know we will. 

 

We all float around in here...

The body, lady, is like a house: it don't go anywhere; but the spirit, lady, is like an automobile: always on the move, always.

                                            F. O'Connor 

                                 (from The Life You Save May Be Your Own)

                                                                          

There are always many levels to creating a piece of work that interest me: technical, theoretical, conceptual, philosophical and so on. My need for creating work is fuelled by a need for exploration and understanding through art. To reflect upon the perplexities of the mind and the world, the self and the other, of escapism, of reality and fiction, of memory and the pieces that fit (or don't fit) between.

With analogue photography the negative anchors the subject of the image to an actual occurrence. What is seen is rooted to a more certain degree in reality, it was. The digital image has no such negative. It is malleable and invites to a constant readjustment and re-evaluation of reality and the photographic 'moment'.

While the experience of the imaginary offers us an escape from 'the Real', it also offers us another path to the understanding of it. Fantasy is a link and a platform to render experience in another manner than within the restrictions of 'reality', the imaginary abides by no pure boundaries of logic and reason. These are separate, but linked worlds, and I reside in one no more than the other.

 

 Computers have given photography the freedom of painting, whereby photographs can truly represent the ideas of their creators and not merely render what already exists.

                              -Simen Johan

This work explores the inwardness of a subject that lies beyond its external structure, a crossroad of inner and outer reality. It attempts to display the secret garden of things unseen, fragments of fairy tales reflecting an internal world, narrative moments with no real beginning and no definite end. "Fairy tales are for kids". Not an unknown statement, but far from what I believe. I believe it is a basic human need to escape into fantasy, if so only to better comprehend social reality. Adults make use of the fairy tale as much as children do. We watch films, read fiction, follow TV series and daydream. Perhaps our need for escapism is even greater than that of children as we are limited by having to conform to what is perceived to be 'normal' for adults.

In the whole realm of poetry no domain is so boundless as the fairy tale. It reaches from the blood-drenched graves of antiquity to the pious legends of a child's picture book; it takes in the poetry of the people and the poetry of the artist.

                                                                -H.C Andersen

I approach the making new work in a variety of ways. Some images are constructed by researching elements of interest and developing 'the idea', others appear from dreams or while reflecting upon the 'core structure' (former research etc) of an idea, and at other times, and this happens quite often, a location inspires a 'vision' and results in the creation of a site specific installation which is then photographed in one or more parts.

Digital photography allows me the freedom to control every element and my use of light painting allows me to manually apply light from any angel I see fit.  It becomes a seductive balance of light and dark. The darkness represents the mind and the undercurrent depths of imagination. Light becomes the tool of exploration, like a spot on a theatre stage, carefully revealing only what you are meant to see. Applying it by hand, as if painting a canvas, gives it a sense of mystery and enhances the aspect of that 'other place'.  Through photography I embody a fantasy world, the images becoming a gateway, keys to unlocking the unknown.

By keeping my characters mostly in masks they become part of the visual myth and their representation is suspended somewhere between fact and fiction. As the image as a whole, they contain traces and elements of 'real', but the things you see in the photograph never existed as you see them. Not in this reality anyway.

Everything we are allowed to approach by way of reality remains rooted in fantasy.

                                                                            -J. Lacan

 

Thoughts to be continued...